Happy Thanksgiving!

Every year I do a cheesy post listing all of the things I'm thankful for during this holiday season (and all year long, of course).  In light of my newest blessing, it seemed absolutely necessary to do a list again this year.

(Forgive me for not doing a "omgshe'shereandbeautifulandIlovesherandwanttosharethestoryofherbirth" post yet.  It's coming.)


1. Lucy.  My beautiful, absolutely perfect blessing of a little girl.  Someone for whom I waited years and years to meet and to hold.  I am blessed with every cry, diaper change, snuggle and more.  I love her more every minute of every day.

2. Adam.  The man who takes care of me and now for blessing #1.  The one I giggle with, cry with, and celebrate with.  I didn't think I could love him any more but then I saw him with his daughter and that all changed.

3. Family.  A big catch all for a whole lot of people.  People who love me and mine and who share their lives with us.  I love sharing my life with you.

4. Friends.  I feel so many friendships - new and old - were strengthened this year.  I can't wait to continue the journey.

5. The future.  So much seems possible.  So much more seems exciting.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I haz a sad

I have a sadness I just can't shake.  Family is of the utmost importance to me.  As Adam can attest, I put a lot of energy into maintaining old traditions and starting new ones.  I like to celebrate birthdays and find reasons to get a family together.  There can be official reasons (holidays) or unofficial reasons (Wednesdays).  And part of bringing this sweet baby into the world is to add to our family.  I have so been looking forward to being able to not only love my daughter but to watch other people love her too.  To watch her forge relationships with her grandparents, aunts and uncles, and our friends.  To watch her become her own person and to see how she fits into this big family puzzle.

But I'm sad because it just doesn't feel like any of that right now.

A baby should be welcomed into the world with joy and love and excitement.  I believe that a family should be pulled almost magnetically to that baby to love her and fawn over her and to fold her into their lives so completely.

With her arrival mere days away, I am overcome with sadness that instead, she'll be welcomed and loved by only a portion of her family.  That her father and I will undoubtedly be partially at fault for this though I'm not sure that I am willing to make the sacrifices necessary to change that.

Time heals all wounds, as they say.

OMGWTFBBQ!

An eviction notice has been given.  If I don't go into labor before Sunday, that is the day I will be induced.  Sunday is the due date and at today's appointment, my doctor felt that induction was the route to go.  Lucy still hasn't "dropped" and apparently, in a full-term first time pregnancy, this can possibly hint to a problem.  A problem that she doesn't or won't fit into the birth canal.  We're excited, nervous, happy, scared, freaked out, and ready to roll.

Only 3 more days left of work and then 10ish glorious weeks off.  Hallelujah!

Is that a baby in your belly or are you really, really fat?

We've all heard the stories of women being asked if they are pregnant when they aren't.  We've heard it told from both sides of the story...both of which are accompanied by horror and intense shame.  Sometimes there's laughter and sometimes there's tears.

I have my own such story today.

I would first like to note that no one actually said anything to me directly.  The story was relayed to me second-hand.  And if the roles had been reversed, I never would have shared this story with a pregnant woman.

Apparently the following conversation took place a couple of days ago:

Asshat McDouche: I just saw Kris and she has gained so much weight, she looks pregnant!!!


Stunned woman #1: She is.  She's going on maternity leave in like, a week.


Asshat McDouche: Oh!


Story teller: *uncontrollable fit of giggles*


WTF?  Seriously?  I look pregnant so you assume I'm really, really fat???  It never occurs to you that I might actually be pregnant?

I feel so damn pretty today.

Just waiting

The due date is fast approaching and I'm just sitting here twiddling my thumbs.

No, really.

I had this ingenious idea to work up until the birth so I wouldn't burn any of that leave time before getting to spend it with my blue-eyed beauty.  She better be blue-eyed, otherwise I have some explaining to do.

So here I sit, in my cubicle, on a Friday afternoon.  There are 3 emails in my in box and one of those is an invitation to save 30% from Gap and Old Navy.  My to do list is nearly a page long and only 4 of those things don't have a check mark next to them.  I've started drafting my 2011 goals and professional development plan but my hearts not in it.  Probably because I'd like to finish my 2010 goals first.  You know...like 'have a baby.'

Next week my calendar is blocked as out of the office per the direction of my boss.  I keep staring at it - half with glee (ohdeargodtherearepracticallynomeetingsonthatcalendar!) and half with dread.  If there are no meetings, and there is no baby, then what the hell am I going to do with myself all week?

I made myself giggle this morning.  I attempted to make a fist, couldn't because of the swelling, and then thought of the phrase "knuckle sandwich."  *sigh*

My desk is clean already so that won't keep me busy next week.  I've already hauled everything home that needs to be there during my leave.  Although, I'm staring at the dress shoes under my desk and wondering if I'll need or want them while I'm out.  I haven't worn heels since I was about 15 minutes pregnant.  I don't think I'll jump right back on that bandwagon.

I'm making a mental note as I look at the picture frames on my desk.  I better come back with an updated one of Dante (oops....I think this one is at least 3 years old) and some of the blue-eyed beauty.

This morning, I drafted my IRB (Institutional Review Board) paperwork for my dissertation and sent it to my mentor.  You know you're hard up for stuff to do when you start filing paperwork related to your dissertation research.

Look at that.  I just burned 10 minutes.  If only it were lunchtime now.