Viva vacation!

I probably should have written this blog yesterday when I was off work and lazy. But that's just it...I was lazy. So I'm taking a few minutes out of my first day back to share a snapshot of our trip to Cape Cod.

Adam's parents are incredibly kind and like to take us on vacations. This year we went to Cape Cod (via Boston) in order to enjoy the east coast and spend time with Michael and Patricia's friend. We spent about a day and a half in Boston proper and saw old cemeteries, Quincy Market, Cheers, the Museum of Fine Art, Harvard, and MIT as well as lots of other stuff via car and quick drive by's. We rode the subway (man I wish Minneapolis had one of those!) and walked a lot and enjoyed each others company.

While on the cape, we stayed with M&Ps friend and were able to walk along the shore of the Atlantic Ocean on Thanksgiving. We visited small cape towns and checked out their little store fronts. Speaking of which...we got a little Christmas shopping done too.

Adam received Reiki training so if anyone wants to let him perform it on you, let him know. :) I still haven't received a full session yet. I tried lobster for the first time and determined it gross and we were able to see Adam's aunt and two cousins for lunch in Boston on our last day.

I brought articles along and spent a lot of the day Thursday reading up for my literature review. Super fun times.

We had a great time as is usual. I was thrilled to finally visit the cape and hope to make my way back soon. Travel was a breeze with all four flights (damn layovers!) being on time. And we were able to come back to two very happy, relaxed, well cared for and loved pups courtesy of Ms. Jenny Lane.

Time to get to work.

Why is the stepmother always evil in Disney movies?

When Adam and I started dating 8 years ago, we reveled in the fact that Dante would never know a time when I wasn't in his life. We were thrilled at the idea that we wouldn't have to go through that awkward time where he had to get used to me and learn that I too would raise him, set rules, and even discipline him when necessary. We were happy that this would make our time through his childhood easier. And we were right, to a degree. He's never known anything else so has yet to question any amount of authority I may have. I haven't heard the dreaded "You're not my mom!" and yet I know that it is inevitable; that someday I will. We have worked hard to make our little grouping of three a real family with traditions and quality time whenever possible.

What we didn't foresee 8 years ago was that for all of the perks to having known Dante for so long, there would be things that I would miss. Things that would not happen or present themselves in quite the way that I was hoping for. For 8 years I have gone to Christmas concerts, school plays, and parent-teacher conferences. I have dropped him off at daycare and picked him up. I have stayed home and cared for him when he was sick. I've hosted birthday parties and even a sleepover. I've played Santa, the Easter Bunny, and doctor to numerous boo boos. I have been a mother.

But for 8 years, I have seen and been shown numerous pictures that have been drawn, worksheets that have been completed, and journals that have been written. And through the years, there has been one question consistently asked by every teacher in every grade. It is that question around who is in his family.

I'm never on that list.

This came up again this year on Thursday night. We picked Dante up from basketball practice at school and while he grabbed his coat and backpack, we perused the "about me" worksheets hanging in the hallway. For Dante's family, he had listed his Mom, his Dad, his sister, and "the rest of my extended family." I made a comment to Adam about it but not to Dante. Never to Dante. But apparently it was percolating because last night, it made a raucous appearance as Adam and I were cuddling in for sleep.

I cried. I cried and I cried and I cried. (Hey, at least I'm not broken anymore, right?) It's not about expecting to replace his mother. It's about some recognition from Dante, no matter how small, that he sees me on par with his bio-parents. Just my name in that list would have been hugely important to me but to assume I'm wrapped in with "extended family" was a tough pill to swallow.

In my mind and in my heart I'm a mother. Plain and simple. And it's hard to not have the tangible signs that this is true.

Being thankful

Last night, I saw something on Facebook that made me smile. A friend had posted the following as her status and I in turn did the same:

Let's see how many people can do this. Every day this month until Thanksgiving, think of one thing that you are thankful for and post it as your status. "Today I am thankful for..." The longer you do it, the harder it gets! Now if you think you can do it then repost this message as your status to invite others to take ...the challenge, then post what YOU are thankful for today.

I love this. I love this because too many of us (yours truly included) tend to focus on the negative in our statuses. We're tired, we don't want to be at work, we're frustrated with co-workers and/or friends and the list goes on. What we don't take time to do is state what we're thankful for or happy about. So I took this challenge to heart and I will be focusing on the positive and my blessings for the next few weeks (and hopefully longer than that).

Normally I would wait to post my blessings on Thanksgiving but...

1) I'm thankful for my upcoming trip to Cape Cod for Thanksgiving! I'm thankful that my in-laws chose to take us all on this trip, for the opportunity to go somewhere I've never been, and to be able to have a change of scenery for awhile!

2) I'm thankful for my employment. At a time when the reported unemployment rate is 10.2%, I'm very happy to say that I have a job and a job that I love. I am thankful that I am consistently challenged and that my job has afforded me the opportunity to get a masters degree and (eventually) a doctorate.

3) I'm thankful for my friends. You know who you are. I'm thankful for your humor, your love for life, and the way that you make me laugh. I'm thankful for knowing that you all have my back should I pick a fight with a biker in Sturgis. No? Well, it was worth a shot.

4) I'm thankful for opportunity. Everyday I see opportunity whether it be the opportunity to save 50 cents at the grocery store "INSTANTLY" or an opportunity for a new challenge. I need to get better about taking them.

5) I'm thankful for Mr. Wonderful who wouldn't have this title without everything he does for me. Some of it is tangible and some of it is not but he puts a smile on my face everyday and makes it easier for me to sleep at night. Thank you Bradley Cooper! *giggles* Okay, srsly, thanks baby!

There's so much more and maybe that will be a part 2. Right now, I'm thankful for the fact that I'm on vacation in 4 hours. Huzzah!

Organized religion and that whole thing

When I was 4, my parents bought their first house and moved us to Cottage Grove. They had decided they needed the space to raise their children and build a family. My sister was born 2 months later.

When they had chosen where they would raise their children, they also chose a church. St. Luke was a small, relatively new church located a few miles from home. It is here that Kari (my sister) was baptised, where we both took first communion and confirmation, and where Adam and I were married. Over the course of all those years, we were active members with my Mom and I both serving on church council, running many, many Easter breakfasts, and leading a variety of groups and events. Today, my parents have been members of St. Luke for 26 years.

Back in August, the ELCA synod (Evangelical Lutheran Church of America) voted to allow gay and lesbians in committed relationships to serve as ministers in ELCA churches. While I think it's a bullshit decision, it's not the point of this blog.

St. Luke council voted un-unanimously to withhold its benevolence payments to the ELCA as a stand against the decision. This council decision was not brought to the congregation for notification or discussion until this afternoon. An open forum took place today which allowed congregational members to speak out. While I wasn't there, I received the play-by-play from my Mom.

This whole mess bothers me. It's because of things like this that the majority of my generation says they are "spiritual, not religious" or that they dislike organized religion. It's when we take a social issue and build rules around them "in the name of God." For a church that had such a positive impact on my life and my family, I'm deeply disappointed that it has lost its way. While I'm not a member anymore and while I don't attend church anymore, it still greatly bothers me.

What's "Christian" about this whole mess?