Do you cry often?
I realized that somewhere along the line, this ceased to be a way in which I exercised emotional release. I'm not really sure when it happened but I'm relatively certain it has been a couple years since I've had a really good cry. When I'm sad or frustrated (usually frustrated) I will feel that burning sensation that comes from your eyes welling up. But then the oddest thing happens...nothing. Maybe a tear trickles down but I don't have the heaving, snot-filled, puffy-faced sobs to which I had once been accustomed.
So then I start to wonder why. Am I emotionally stunted? Am I incapable of truly feeling sadness? And what I have come up with is a confidence-inducing "maybe." When I think back, and think really hard, I can pinpoint the last time I had a gut-wrenching liquid response to something. It was horrible. It was bar none the worst experience of my life; one I hope to never replay. So in that one horrific situation, did I use up everything I had for this lifetime?
So now if you hear me say I cried about something, rest assured it probably involved a welling up and a trickle or two. Please don't think that I wasn't truly sad/heartbroken/hurt because that has nothing to do with it. I just can't cry anymore.
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Did you read Kim's blog?!?! She just did one about crying. I still love a good cry. Especially in those weeks when I can't sleep . . . it starts as a sniffle and face scrunch and then before you know it *sob* *snot* *waaaahhhhh*
ReplyDeleteHer blog actually spurned this one. I wish I could still cry. I remember that it usually made me feel better. I think I'm broken.
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