It's not fair!

Life isn't fair. And we've all known this for quite some time because for the most part, we've been told to suck it up. Nothing about this blog is going to be about sucking it up. It's going to be about the unfairness of losing weight when you're a fat girl.

This weight loss thing is sucking hairy butt lately. One time, and one time only, I will admit that for the past few months I have been wavering between "behaving" and blatant "misbehaving" when it comes to making good choices. That is why when the scale has gone up and down, I haven't complained much. I knew why and it was because I wasn't behaving. Last week I finally accepte4d that I have gained 6 lbs back. This is unacceptable!!!! So now I needed to do something about it.

So let's consider this week. I was out of town in NY which I was nervous about. I really wanted to do well this week but feared that with eating out 3 meals a day, I wouldn't be able to. And I proved myself wrong. I had tasty egg white omelette's, chicken breasts flattened to the thickness of card stock, and even some gelato. I did phenomenally! I also walked at least an hour a day at a brisk pace as I explored Times Square, Chinatown, and Little Italy. I felt really good about my week! I was tracking and remaining accountable to myself. So when I weighed myself on Thursday morning before heading to work, I was mortified to find that I was 1.5 lbs up from last week. WHAT?! HOW?! WHY?! WTF?!?!?!?!?!

Now I'm angry. I BEHAVED this week. I did what I was supposed to do! I got more exercise than I normally do. What the hell is going on?! Make it stop!!!! Unacceptable. Completely, utterly inappropriate and inexcusable. Now what?

I find myself irrationally angry at skinny girls. Sure, I've been told that they know when to stop or that they only overindulge occasionally, that they know the "everything in moderation" mantra. I've been told that they exercise A LOT to make up for it. But let's be honest. No they don't. At least not all of them. And I was on a trip with a woman with a practically concave stomach who ate rich pastas, pizzas, and desserts all week. When she had pancakes or waffles for breakfast, she would cut off a bite, douse it in syrup from the bottle, eat and repeat. UNFAIR!

Last night I had a temporary moment of "fuck it!" and went a bit overboard with the reduced fat Ritz crackers...a whole sleeve except for those given to Zeus and Tuck in an effort to make me feel as if I wasn't eating an entire sleeve of crackers for no particular reason.

So this morning I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and will try again. Because that's all I know how to do.