Being a step mom is hard. There are a lot of reasons that it is hard. At this particular time, it is hard not because of the interesting dynamic between step mom and biological mom or because of the small amount of time you get to spend with the kid. No, it's hard because of all the times you have to say "no."
I'm not really one of those parents who gets a kick out of saying no. And I admit that I probably say no at times when really, it would be just as easy to say yes. I'm still trying to work out that ever-elusive balance that I'm quite sure my parents struggled with as well.
Yesterday the D man called and asked for his Dad. Since Adam was unable to come to the phone, I guess I was an okay second choice. He asked if he could bring his GameCube to his Mom's house because he's "there more." Here's the thing. Last Christmas, there was nothing he wanted more than a Nintendo GameCube. And yes, the irony is not lost on me that of everything, all he wanted was an obsolete video game system that you can't even buy new anymore. So I hunted around for a used system and some games. I bought extra controllers so he could play with his friends. I got him the whole dang set up (because when you're buying used, you can really go all out!). And I got to experience one of those moments that happens less and less often the older he gets - the utter, sheer enjoyment and excitement when he opened the box and realized he got EXACTLY what he wanted!!! Fast forward to present day. He still loves the GameCube...in fact, when allowed, it's all he does when he's at our house. But I just couldn't let him take it to his Mom's. Little by little he tries to move everything he likes from our house to hers and soon, he won't have anything to do at our house. Yes, I'm flattered that all of his "good stuff" is at our house but it's expensive enough trying to outfit one home for him...I can't afford to outfit two.
So alas, I had to say no. However, I reminded him that he's always welcome to come over more often so he can play it. Clearly I'm not opposed to bribery and other trickery just to get him a little more often. I was not his favorite person last night. Neither was his father when he talked to him later and backed me up (for the record, I'm pretty sure Adam would have let him take it had Dante gotten to him first).
Maybe I'm being selfish. They are HIS toys after all. They were gifts. Part of me totally gets it that maybe he should get to decide where they reside. But I also have the ability to see into the future and it's quite obvious that before too long, there would be nary a stuffed animal on his bed.
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First, maybe you'd like saying no more if you did it in funny voices or with accents. Just a thought. Second, kids don't have things. Nothing is HIS unless he bought it or made it himself. Disagree if you will. But you're wrong :). You're fantastic. And part of the job of any parent - any good parent - is to upset the kid from time to time for the right reasons. You can be my no-mommy any day.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I would have said no for the same reasons, regardless of the order in which he asked us.
ReplyDeleteYou have a compelling argument Phillio. And Adam, I apologize for assuming you would do different. I forget that I am always right and that you do what I do. :D
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