My answer is still "yes"

Tomorrow is a special day in the Luopa household. Yesterday couples the world over (or those made up of high school students anyway) celebrated the international day of love while we treated it like any other day. But tomorrow marks the 8 year anniversary of the day Adam proposed to me. Back on Valentine's Day 2002, Adam went out shopping and came home with the kissing bears from Hallmark (remember those?). I loved them! But apparently he had a little something else up his sleeve. At this point we had been friends for 8 months and officially dating for 3 weeks. Crazy, I know. Two days later, in the mosh pit of a Creed concert, Adam took out the ring during one of my favorite songs. I swooned and said yes. There's a lot more to this story (about how valiantly Adam tried to get on stage in order to propose) but he should tell that story.

Personally, I like the way Sean (Adam's brother) tells it. Sure, we had only been dating 3 weeks officially, but we dated for a long time before that...we just didn't kiss. :)

So on February 16, 2010 I will be enjoying time with my main man. 8 years later, my answer is still yes.

Happy and Hopeful

What makes you happy and hopeful? In the past 4 or 5 weeks, I've rediscovered some of the things that make me happy and hopeful and found some new things to add to the list. In the doldrums of winter it's sometimes hard to see the beauty around us but I've had some incredible experiences since the new year that remind me that they're still out there to see.

One snowy morning I was outside with my dogs watching the snowflakes fall. It was one of those snowfalls where it sticks to the trees and seems to just float from the sky. I closed my eyes, looked up, and felt the snowflakes stick to my eyelashes. It was incredibly peaceful.

While I could write a whole blog (and nearly did) around all of the reasons it sucks to be an adult. But instead of focusing on the negatives, I want to celebrate the little "wins." Sundays are spent gearing up for the coming week. Grocery shopping, laundry, email catch-up (unfortunate but true), and cuddle time. It's a great way to recenter ones self before jumping back into things Monday morning.

Or maybe they're more simplistic:
Realizing that you're not in it alone.
Realizing that you can fight with your husband and it's no big deal...even when you're still a little miffed. :)
Realizing that there's opportunity around every corner...even when you start to think that all opportunities have passed you by.

Or perhaps the best yet...
Realizing that although you haven't seen your friends for ages, that they're still your friends. And you know that when you finally all have time to get together again, you'll be able to pick up where you left off.

Miss you all and hope you find something(s) to be happy and hopeful about!

The Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling Nazi

Perhaps I've written this post before and if so, I apologize. It's just that it is so prevalent in my consciousness that I can't seem to block it out! You know what I'm talking about. You know someone...maybe it's you (but I doubt it)...who either can't or won't spell anything correctly. I've said it before and I'll say it again, but email and text messaging are the downfall of the English language.

It's painful to read. All I want to do is hide you (Facebook) or not respond to you. If you don't put forth the effort, then I have to believe that you don't have much respect for me as the reader of your drivel. Now that we're in our 30's, I don't believe that you honestly think that dropping your g's is cool (e.g., goin). And this is all made more upsetting if you are a teacher...my God...what chance does our younger generation have when YOU are the one teaching them??? And if you're an English teacher? Well, I just need to go lie down.

Here's the thing. I don't expect perfection. Typos, an occasional misspelled word, etc....they are common amongst the most intelligent people. I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the individuals who think this is a coherent, intelligent sentence:

"feelin a chest cold commin on so powerwalked it this mornin 2 miles."
OR
"Was, all the same who remotely even during real decided to even use would like the volatile view rather making to go you?"

If you care that little about how you present yourself in written word, then knock yourself out. However, I can't help but think you're a tool.

Overwhelmed

I realized today that I am overwhelmed. I know I use the word a lot and it's probably getting old to hear it but this morning was one of those mornings where you are ranting and raving (in your head), running around the house trying to get shit done, and even putting off having to pee because gosh darnit, you have to get the dishwasher emptied!

Odd that a morning such as this should immediately follow the news that I lost 6.6 lbs in one week. AMEN! PRAISE JESUS! But that couldn't carry me through the icy roads, the over-packed grocery store, and the realization that there's a crap ton to do around the house. Upon walking in the door I was a whirlwind of activity. A bazillion trips from the car with groceries, emptying the dishwasher and then filling it again with the dirty dishes that were piled in and around the sink. Piling up of garbage by the front door (which, coincidentally the 10 year old took outside for me without being asked....I suspect my mood was obvious). And why am I so overwhelmed?

Maybe it's the fact that I gained back nearly all 50+ lbs I lost. Sweet. Maybe it's the fact that I'm trying to get this damn proposal done so that I can just take a breather for a minute. Maybe it's because I put too much pressure on myself. Wait. What? Oh yeah, I know I do it. But clearly, I don't have enough goals in life and should really try and find something to work towards. *snort*

So the purpose of this particular missive? Hell if I know. It's an opportunity to vent...to get it all down on "paper" so that I can actually be a joy to be around today. It's something to do since the 10 year old plopped himself on the toilet right when I was going to allow myself the break to pee.

Whatever it is, let's all make a promise to ourselves today...because I know you're guilty of this too. Let's promise to be kind to ourselves; to take a break; to enjoy life. The rest will get done eventually.

Faith

I've started going back to church recently. Back in the day (re: high school) I was very involved in my church. I did a weekly bible study with my peers, was in the church choir, attended services every week, and even participated in "clowning"...an odd form of worship where you dress up as a clown and act it all out. Don't ask. Anyway, back in high school, I planned to go to college for psychology and then find my way to seminary. Off to college I went but seemed to have lost my way a bit. Freshman year I went to the on campus church service sporadically at best and by the time I had graduated and was living with Mr. Wonderful, it was a miracle if I was even a "chreaster".

By now most of you know that Adam isn't a fan of organized religion. He considers himself "spiritual, not religious." That's fair. But over the past decade I've always felt that something was missing. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot about organized religion I disagree with or downright dislike...but there are a lot of things about it that appeal to me. Namely, it's the congregating of people who have similar beliefs and are turning their attention to something good.

Because PJ (Pastor John) is now at a church in Golden Valley, it seemed it was now the right time. PJ was my minister growing up. He helped me develop a relationship with God, I babysat his son (oh so many stories there) and he showed me that a minister can be a real person too. So right after the new year I wrestled myself out of bed and into the car on a cold Sunday morning and headed to church.

I teared up throughout the entire service. It was obvious that it was where I needed to be. I was able to visit with PJ, his wife, and his two kids (the one I babysat is now 16!) afterwards. I felt good. I have continued to go since then save for a Sunday where I worshiped the porcelain god instead. Hmm...I hope I don't go to hell for that one.

Since that first service I have prayed daily for myself, my family, and my friends. I have found peace much more swiftly when faced with things that upset me. There is much that I want to change in my life - some of which I have control over and others I do not - and I can do that through my faith.

I'm not a crazy born-again or anything like that but I have found some comfort in my faith after some time where it was all very distant to me. It's nice to be home. :)

10 Minutes

To take after my BFF Phil, I thought I'd give myself 10 minutes to blog. I don't have anything incredibly earth shattering to say but that's no different than any other time, really.

Adam and I recently watched seasons 2 and 3 of The IT Crowd. Okay, maybe there are a few episodes left but you get the point. It's a British show and really freakin' funny. And so quotable! Take, for example:

1. "If you type 'google' into Google, you will break the Internet."
2. "I thought I could make it work between us because you looked a bit like a man!"
3. "I'll just put this over here with the rest of the fire."
4. "Its not you, it's me. No; actually it's not me it IS YOU!"
5. "Strap a seat belt on your ears Roy, cuz I'm about to take 'em for a wild ride!"

Usually I'm not a huge fan of British comedy and after the first season I wasn't too impressed. However, I laughed my ass off last night. I highly recommend the show.

Ok...it's only been 4 minutes but it's all I can handle today.

A new year

I have been reticent to write this post. It has been written, edited, revised, changed, and hopelessly deleted numerous times in my head. While the purpose of this blog is for me to have a place to air my thoughts on everything from bags to stepmotherhood, it was a little more than a bit scary to air this particular subject on the interwebs. Seeing as how my sister and my mother (bless them both) found it challenging to keep this secret...well secret, I figured I might as well bite the bullet and write the damn post.

We're trying to get pregnant.

Trying being the operative word here. In December of 2008 I dumped the birth control and Adam and I started to get it on with giggle sessions afterwards where we wondered if maybe this time we did it. I've spent 13 months with my legs in the air (figuratively) while we gave it the old college try. My disclaimer here: of course practicing is fun! But we've practiced. No more dress rehearsals...I'm ready for opening night!

Some of you may remember my post from way back where I gave lil miss PCOS the big FU. And that was my covert (or perhaps not-so-covert) way of saying that all was not well in baby making land. In 13 months, we've been able to try 5 times. That's it. Damn PCOS. Three of those times involved doctors visits, medications, temperature taking, OPK taking, and tears. One med to start the period and another to (as yet unsuccessfully) stimulate ovulation. Rinse and repeat. Still no pink line or excuse to "eat for two." In that 13 months, friends and family members have gotten pregnant and had babies. I do not begrudge them this joy! I'm just jealous.

So I'm putting this out to Gusby as well as any of you who still read this. I'm working towards of a feeling of zen; a recognition that God has a plan; a healthy place. I may never blog about this again. Maybe I will. But either way, I promise to not inundate you with tales of the BBT or pee stick. If you pray, think positive thoughts, meditate, or have some extra luck lying around, I would welcome all of the above. I'm not giving up the fight (far from it) but as the calendar turns over to a new year, I will be reinvesting in myself and my health - mentally and physically. Can't hurt right?

Now that it is new years eve, my wish for 2010 is to have all of that practice pay off. I hope you all get whatever it is you're hoping for as the clock strikes 12. Happy and healthy 2010 to you all.