I realized today that I am overwhelmed. I know I use the word a lot and it's probably getting old to hear it but this morning was one of those mornings where you are ranting and raving (in your head), running around the house trying to get shit done, and even putting off having to pee because gosh darnit, you have to get the dishwasher emptied!
Odd that a morning such as this should immediately follow the news that I lost 6.6 lbs in one week. AMEN! PRAISE JESUS! But that couldn't carry me through the icy roads, the over-packed grocery store, and the realization that there's a crap ton to do around the house. Upon walking in the door I was a whirlwind of activity. A bazillion trips from the car with groceries, emptying the dishwasher and then filling it again with the dirty dishes that were piled in and around the sink. Piling up of garbage by the front door (which, coincidentally the 10 year old took outside for me without being asked....I suspect my mood was obvious). And why am I so overwhelmed?
Maybe it's the fact that I gained back nearly all 50+ lbs I lost. Sweet. Maybe it's the fact that I'm trying to get this damn proposal done so that I can just take a breather for a minute. Maybe it's because I put too much pressure on myself. Wait. What? Oh yeah, I know I do it. But clearly, I don't have enough goals in life and should really try and find something to work towards. *snort*
So the purpose of this particular missive? Hell if I know. It's an opportunity to vent...to get it all down on "paper" so that I can actually be a joy to be around today. It's something to do since the 10 year old plopped himself on the toilet right when I was going to allow myself the break to pee.
Whatever it is, let's all make a promise to ourselves today...because I know you're guilty of this too. Let's promise to be kind to ourselves; to take a break; to enjoy life. The rest will get done eventually.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Friday, January 22, 2010
Faith
I've started going back to church recently. Back in the day (re: high school) I was very involved in my church. I did a weekly bible study with my peers, was in the church choir, attended services every week, and even participated in "clowning"...an odd form of worship where you dress up as a clown and act it all out. Don't ask. Anyway, back in high school, I planned to go to college for psychology and then find my way to seminary. Off to college I went but seemed to have lost my way a bit. Freshman year I went to the on campus church service sporadically at best and by the time I had graduated and was living with Mr. Wonderful, it was a miracle if I was even a "chreaster".
By now most of you know that Adam isn't a fan of organized religion. He considers himself "spiritual, not religious." That's fair. But over the past decade I've always felt that something was missing. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot about organized religion I disagree with or downright dislike...but there are a lot of things about it that appeal to me. Namely, it's the congregating of people who have similar beliefs and are turning their attention to something good.
Because PJ (Pastor John) is now at a church in Golden Valley, it seemed it was now the right time. PJ was my minister growing up. He helped me develop a relationship with God, I babysat his son (oh so many stories there) and he showed me that a minister can be a real person too. So right after the new year I wrestled myself out of bed and into the car on a cold Sunday morning and headed to church.
I teared up throughout the entire service. It was obvious that it was where I needed to be. I was able to visit with PJ, his wife, and his two kids (the one I babysat is now 16!) afterwards. I felt good. I have continued to go since then save for a Sunday where I worshiped the porcelain god instead. Hmm...I hope I don't go to hell for that one.
Since that first service I have prayed daily for myself, my family, and my friends. I have found peace much more swiftly when faced with things that upset me. There is much that I want to change in my life - some of which I have control over and others I do not - and I can do that through my faith.
I'm not a crazy born-again or anything like that but I have found some comfort in my faith after some time where it was all very distant to me. It's nice to be home. :)
By now most of you know that Adam isn't a fan of organized religion. He considers himself "spiritual, not religious." That's fair. But over the past decade I've always felt that something was missing. Don't get me wrong, there's a lot about organized religion I disagree with or downright dislike...but there are a lot of things about it that appeal to me. Namely, it's the congregating of people who have similar beliefs and are turning their attention to something good.
Because PJ (Pastor John) is now at a church in Golden Valley, it seemed it was now the right time. PJ was my minister growing up. He helped me develop a relationship with God, I babysat his son (oh so many stories there) and he showed me that a minister can be a real person too. So right after the new year I wrestled myself out of bed and into the car on a cold Sunday morning and headed to church.
I teared up throughout the entire service. It was obvious that it was where I needed to be. I was able to visit with PJ, his wife, and his two kids (the one I babysat is now 16!) afterwards. I felt good. I have continued to go since then save for a Sunday where I worshiped the porcelain god instead. Hmm...I hope I don't go to hell for that one.
Since that first service I have prayed daily for myself, my family, and my friends. I have found peace much more swiftly when faced with things that upset me. There is much that I want to change in my life - some of which I have control over and others I do not - and I can do that through my faith.
I'm not a crazy born-again or anything like that but I have found some comfort in my faith after some time where it was all very distant to me. It's nice to be home. :)
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
10 Minutes
To take after my BFF Phil, I thought I'd give myself 10 minutes to blog. I don't have anything incredibly earth shattering to say but that's no different than any other time, really.
Adam and I recently watched seasons 2 and 3 of The IT Crowd. Okay, maybe there are a few episodes left but you get the point. It's a British show and really freakin' funny. And so quotable! Take, for example:
1. "If you type 'google' into Google, you will break the Internet."
2. "I thought I could make it work between us because you looked a bit like a man!"
3. "I'll just put this over here with the rest of the fire."
4. "Its not you, it's me. No; actually it's not me it IS YOU!"
5. "Strap a seat belt on your ears Roy, cuz I'm about to take 'em for a wild ride!"
Usually I'm not a huge fan of British comedy and after the first season I wasn't too impressed. However, I laughed my ass off last night. I highly recommend the show.
Ok...it's only been 4 minutes but it's all I can handle today.
Adam and I recently watched seasons 2 and 3 of The IT Crowd. Okay, maybe there are a few episodes left but you get the point. It's a British show and really freakin' funny. And so quotable! Take, for example:
1. "If you type 'google' into Google, you will break the Internet."
2. "I thought I could make it work between us because you looked a bit like a man!"
3. "I'll just put this over here with the rest of the fire."
4. "Its not you, it's me. No; actually it's not me it IS YOU!"
5. "Strap a seat belt on your ears Roy, cuz I'm about to take 'em for a wild ride!"
Usually I'm not a huge fan of British comedy and after the first season I wasn't too impressed. However, I laughed my ass off last night. I highly recommend the show.
Ok...it's only been 4 minutes but it's all I can handle today.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
A new year
I have been reticent to write this post. It has been written, edited, revised, changed, and hopelessly deleted numerous times in my head. While the purpose of this blog is for me to have a place to air my thoughts on everything from bags to stepmotherhood, it was a little more than a bit scary to air this particular subject on the interwebs. Seeing as how my sister and my mother (bless them both) found it challenging to keep this secret...well secret, I figured I might as well bite the bullet and write the damn post.
We're trying to get pregnant.
Trying being the operative word here. In December of 2008 I dumped the birth control and Adam and I started to get it on with giggle sessions afterwards where we wondered if maybe this time we did it. I've spent 13 months with my legs in the air (figuratively) while we gave it the old college try. My disclaimer here: of course practicing is fun! But we've practiced. No more dress rehearsals...I'm ready for opening night!
Some of you may remember my post from way back where I gave lil miss PCOS the big FU. And that was my covert (or perhaps not-so-covert) way of saying that all was not well in baby making land. In 13 months, we've been able to try 5 times. That's it. Damn PCOS. Three of those times involved doctors visits, medications, temperature taking, OPK taking, and tears. One med to start the period and another to (as yet unsuccessfully) stimulate ovulation. Rinse and repeat. Still no pink line or excuse to "eat for two." In that 13 months, friends and family members have gotten pregnant and had babies. I do not begrudge them this joy! I'm just jealous.
So I'm putting this out to Gusby as well as any of you who still read this. I'm working towards of a feeling of zen; a recognition that God has a plan; a healthy place. I may never blog about this again. Maybe I will. But either way, I promise to not inundate you with tales of the BBT or pee stick. If you pray, think positive thoughts, meditate, or have some extra luck lying around, I would welcome all of the above. I'm not giving up the fight (far from it) but as the calendar turns over to a new year, I will be reinvesting in myself and my health - mentally and physically. Can't hurt right?
Now that it is new years eve, my wish for 2010 is to have all of that practice pay off. I hope you all get whatever it is you're hoping for as the clock strikes 12. Happy and healthy 2010 to you all.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Christmas 2009
I'm dreaming of a white Christmas
With every Christmas card I write
May your days be merry and bright
And may all your Christmases be white
Christmas 2009 marked a very, very white Christmas. I don't know what the final snow total is but I think my back may know.
On Thursday morning we packed up the car with food for two family gatherings, gifts for two family gatherings as well as Christmas morning with Dante, two dogs, and two dog kennels. We left SLP, after I shoveled 5-6 inches from the driveway, walkway, steps, and deck, and headed to the in-law's in Burnsville. We arrived and got about half unpacked before I loaded the boy and Jasmine into the car and headed to Cottage Grove to attend the Christmas Eve church service with my Mom and Dad. It was a nice service where I saw some familiar faces and was able to focus on what the holiday means to me. On our way back to Burnsville the snow was starting to fly again and I was anxious to get back before the weather deteriorated.
I had Dante call ahead and tell Adam that I wanted him to pull the car into my in-laws driveway (since it's nearly vertical in its steepness). When I pulled up, Adam was waiting but I decided that since I had forward momentum, I should try. Well, I got it about 3/4 of the way up the driveway. As the kids and I were exiting the running car (E brake "on") so that Adam could try again, the car proceeded to slide down the driveway into the path of a moving car. Adam ran to jump in and hit the brake. As of now, we don't know if it was the break or just hitting flatter ground that stopped the car. Adam got the car in the driveway, put 2x4's behind the front tires and we proceeded to enjoy a festive evening with Adam's family.
We stayed the night in Burnsville with our pups...
*Jenny/Phil just asked me what I was blogging about and then told me to write that she just asked me what I was blogging about*
...so that if we didn't get home with the weather, the boys wouldn't be left to starve and hang in their feces. In the morning - Christmas morning - I got up early and got ready. I got the boys up and Dante opened his presents from Santa and we hit the road. The plow had gone by overnight so I was prepared to shovel at least the end of the in-laws driveway but Adam figured we'd have enough momentum to break through. We didn't. He shoveled us out. Finally on our way we headed to Eagan so that Dante could open presents from Santa (again) with his Mom. It appeared that Jessi's street hadn't been plowed yet in the entire storm and we proceeded to get stuck...in the street...about a block from her house. Dante ran in to start opening presents. Nearly a half hour later, Adam was on his way to plowed ground to wait while I picked up a plastic piece from the undercarriage of the car that was a victim of our white Christmas. I went in, watched Dante open his remaining presents. Afterwards Dante and I bundled up and hoofed it a few blocks to the car. This is when it started to sleet. Ow.
Eventually we made it to my parents house to spend Christmas day with my family. It was a great, quiet day although Kari (the sister) and Eli (the brother-in-law) didn't make it down from St. Cloud.
At the end of the day we picked up the dogs, all the crap and kennels, and headed home. We expected feet upon feet of snow in the driveway to find only a couple of inches. We were thrilled! Of course, with the snow/rain/sleet/shit we had received over the past 24+ hours that snow weighed A TON! We got it all shoveled up, salt on the walkways and were indoors for the duration.
And now, Phillio is here and she and Adam are boozing it up while playing Guitar Hero/Rockband as I write this. A fabulous cap to the Christmas holiday.
I hope you all had a great Christmas and were well spoiled.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...
It's that time of year again! On the eve of December 22nd, while I check off my mental list of gifts already purchased and write a new list for that final trip to the grocery store, I thought it was time to post a blog and bid you all a happy holiday!
Rumor has it we're supposed to get 24 inches of snow over the course of 48+ hours. Right over Christmas. During our travel in and around the cities. Fabulous. I can't say that I believe it so much - those meteorologists tend to make things sound worse than they ever turn out to be. However, my Dad was pretty convinced, as evident in the following email conversation between himself, me, my Mom, and my sister:
Condor: 2 feet of snow?!?! Paul Douglas is going off the deep end. Kari if you make it down you and Eli better pack a bag. I'll get the sheets washed. 24 inches...really...
Mom: It's actually making me a little nervous with the driving you all will have to do.
Me: They always make it sound worse than it ends up to be.
Kari: Yuck. Makes me nervous too. Not to mention that Eli has to work Saturday morning...
Mom: Well, the weather people are always wrong so though I'm sure we'll get snow, it never seems to be as bad as they think it is going to be.
Me: Is there an echo in this email thread? :)
Condor: Regardless, the traveling will be extremely slow so you'll need to plan accordingly.
Kari: 10-4. That's cop talk for okay.
Condor: Pack your cars properly with the appropriate clothes, including boots, a shovel and music that will help to keep your blood pressure down. I hate to be the devil's advocate but I think they'll be closer to being right this time. Call it male intuition. [Male intuition? Isn't that an oxymoron?]
Me: Absolutely! I will have my flip-flops on and the coconut bra in the back. I'll make sure Dante wears long shorts instead of his high waters. Adam should be all set in his speedo.
Condor: This from a person who hasn't zipped up her winter coat, while wearing it, since 1984.
*chuckles* Merry Christmas to you and yours!!! May your holidays be full of similar chuckles and may you stay safe, healthy, and warm.
Kris
Rumor has it we're supposed to get 24 inches of snow over the course of 48+ hours. Right over Christmas. During our travel in and around the cities. Fabulous. I can't say that I believe it so much - those meteorologists tend to make things sound worse than they ever turn out to be. However, my Dad was pretty convinced, as evident in the following email conversation between himself, me, my Mom, and my sister:
Condor: 2 feet of snow?!?! Paul Douglas is going off the deep end. Kari if you make it down you and Eli better pack a bag. I'll get the sheets washed. 24 inches...really...
Mom: It's actually making me a little nervous with the driving you all will have to do.
Me: They always make it sound worse than it ends up to be.
Kari: Yuck. Makes me nervous too. Not to mention that Eli has to work Saturday morning...
Mom: Well, the weather people are always wrong so though I'm sure we'll get snow, it never seems to be as bad as they think it is going to be.
Me: Is there an echo in this email thread? :)
Condor: Regardless, the traveling will be extremely slow so you'll need to plan accordingly.
Kari: 10-4. That's cop talk for okay.
Condor: Pack your cars properly with the appropriate clothes, including boots, a shovel and music that will help to keep your blood pressure down. I hate to be the devil's advocate but I think they'll be closer to being right this time. Call it male intuition. [Male intuition? Isn't that an oxymoron?]
Me: Absolutely! I will have my flip-flops on and the coconut bra in the back. I'll make sure Dante wears long shorts instead of his high waters. Adam should be all set in his speedo.
Condor: This from a person who hasn't zipped up her winter coat, while wearing it, since 1984.
*chuckles* Merry Christmas to you and yours!!! May your holidays be full of similar chuckles and may you stay safe, healthy, and warm.
Kris
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Traditions
I'm a sucker for traditions. If you know me and have been paying attention, you know this. The holiday season is the catalyst for the vast majority of the traditions I remember from my youth and am trying to instill in my little family for the future.
Dayton's/Marshall Fields/Macy's 8th Floor
For as long as I can remember, we've been going to the 8th floor auditorium of that department store downtown and walking through the animated story they have put on display that year. Afterwards we would visit Santa and maybe even get a cookie at the little shop at the end. I remember my Grandpa picking Kari and I up after school and then picking Grandma up to head downtown and meet my Mom after work. When we got a little older we did this on the weekends and the Santa visit was replaced by breakfast. For the last 8 years, Adam and Dante have joined us and slowly my family has dwindled out. This year we didn't go for the first time. Macy's doesn't seem to have the same commitment as Dayton's once had and they recycled last years (bad) display.
Christmas Displays
Every year we drive around looking at home Christmas displays. The Star Tribune lists them across the Twin Cities and I put together a route for us. We get coffee/hot chocolate, turn on the Christmas music, and drive around. We critique the displays and always talk about doing something similar at our house (but never do). We did this last night and saw some really good stuff!
Christmas Crafts
Every year, Dante makes Christmas ornaments for his aunts and uncles and grandparents. As a kid from parents that are no longer together, he gets more stuff than he knows what to do with. Years ago, I decided he needed to go through the work to give something back. He finished up this years project this weekend and at 10, he still enjoys it.
And I'm cuddled on the couch with my pups and my laptop enjoying another holiday tradition. Every year I watch White Christmas and enjoy the music, the dancing, and the simplicity of movies made in the 50's. There's something about Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney, and Vera-Ellen that puts me in the Christmas spirit.
So from my couch to yours, Merry Christmas! I hope you're enjoying some traditions of your own!
Dayton's/Marshall Fields/Macy's 8th Floor
For as long as I can remember, we've been going to the 8th floor auditorium of that department store downtown and walking through the animated story they have put on display that year. Afterwards we would visit Santa and maybe even get a cookie at the little shop at the end. I remember my Grandpa picking Kari and I up after school and then picking Grandma up to head downtown and meet my Mom after work. When we got a little older we did this on the weekends and the Santa visit was replaced by breakfast. For the last 8 years, Adam and Dante have joined us and slowly my family has dwindled out. This year we didn't go for the first time. Macy's doesn't seem to have the same commitment as Dayton's once had and they recycled last years (bad) display.
Christmas Displays
Every year we drive around looking at home Christmas displays. The Star Tribune lists them across the Twin Cities and I put together a route for us. We get coffee/hot chocolate, turn on the Christmas music, and drive around. We critique the displays and always talk about doing something similar at our house (but never do). We did this last night and saw some really good stuff!
Christmas Crafts
Every year, Dante makes Christmas ornaments for his aunts and uncles and grandparents. As a kid from parents that are no longer together, he gets more stuff than he knows what to do with. Years ago, I decided he needed to go through the work to give something back. He finished up this years project this weekend and at 10, he still enjoys it.
And I'm cuddled on the couch with my pups and my laptop enjoying another holiday tradition. Every year I watch White Christmas and enjoy the music, the dancing, and the simplicity of movies made in the 50's. There's something about Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney, and Vera-Ellen that puts me in the Christmas spirit.
So from my couch to yours, Merry Christmas! I hope you're enjoying some traditions of your own!
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